10 Sounds I HATE HATE HATE to Hear!!!!

1. Sex. Period. Just...NO!!
2. Smacking aka THE CHEWING OF YOUR FOOD...nastiness crap EVER
3. You on the phone wit Pookie...no I do NOT need to know that it turns out that he is NOT Shaquetha's baby fahva!!
4. Nething from Cher...WHY does she still have a career...WHY did she ever have one???
5. That nasty song neegs be makin wit their snot...ugh stomach crampin thinkin about it
6. QUEEFS
7. Tone deaf ppl...
8. Financial aid ppl on the phone tellin me there aint no mo money...WATCHU MEAN?!?!
9. The heavy breather on the phone...ICK
10. Bow Wow...y do u have a new record deal wit lil wayne?????

Oh and a bonus one?? Beat her down singin about he done changed...let's test that...I'm gonna call u a name and c if u hit me...10 to 1 u will...

This Is WHY Peeps Hate the Dentist...

So I had a dental appt. this morning. Naturally I dreaded this with everything I had in me. Why? you say...well it's never the dentist that I fear. He comes in at the end does his little check wit that mirror thing and that evil scrape-y tool and goes "Ashley your teeth are beautiful, lay off the sugar, quit clenching your teeth, how's Kenyon-no Elon??, see you in 6 months and tell your mother I said hello." Now if only that was the entirety of the visit. No.Such.Luck.

First you wait in the waiting room and it smells nauseatingly like rubber gloves...typical dentist office. Then the deceptively-friendly looking hygienist waves you on back (why are they usually Russian????) and you follow getting sicker by the smell as you get closer to the room. Then they make you sit in that death contraption aka the chair. Next thing your flat on your back looking up at bad tv and a hellish light glare...and no ladies there's no hope for an O. Hahahaha. I kid, I kid.

The hygienist then reels you in by asking all these questions about you then she pulls out that heinous scraping tool. You get that bib thing put on and resign yourself to 30 minutes of her scraping and pulling at your teeth and gums like your mouth stole her child's tuition. And today was the worst. I'm sitting there trying not to choke on my own saliva while she's hacking at my mouth and then this other trick comes in asking questions...my hygienist PAUSES HACKING and starts talking back while I'm literally about to choke and die. THEN RESUMES HACKING WHILE STILL TALKING AND LOOKING AT PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TRICK!!!! I reared my head back and gave the trick a look of death and she quickly skedaddled away.

The dentist finally comes in does her examination, walks out. Now last year I was told I had FIVE cavities but I didn't have the money to get em filled in bc I had to get those durn wisdom teeth out. This dentist tells me I have zero cavities. Now Idk how the PISS i went from 5 to 0 but there r NO complaints here. Two hours later and I still have that nauseous scent in my mind...And dental offices wonder why ppl be avoidin them like the plague...

Well, thank GOD for dem pearly whites!!!

Queen Beee...She Got Another One

Made. Me. Sick.

So I didn't post this yesterday because I was sooo tired and fell asleep. Netywho. I'm torn bewteen wat I was freaked out about yesterday. But the thing that I actually txted ppl about was the gum. That I found. On the bottom of my foot. (insert scream...HERE!!!!!!!!)

So I was walking along and I noticed that my foot felt weird and sticky. I thought this was odd because I had A SHOE ON!!! I thought my shoes were starting to stick to my foot bc they were cheap. Not the freakin case. I looked at my heel and there. on the SOLE of my foot was someone's gum. I died. For like 3 minutes. I dont kno how the EFF that piece of gum managed to find its way btw my sole and my shoes but.it.did. And I had to pick it off wit my FINGERS!!!

Kill myself...HERE! Probs one of the most disgusting experiences of my entire freaking life. Sigh.

Had to txt about that..........But the other thing that made me rear my head back in disgust was this tour guide I had yesterday...Poor guy didn't know that the whole time he was showing us around I was plannin on writin about his black toof. That thing...shudder. A dead toof. Just sittin there WAVIN AT ME!!!!!! Why dont he just get that pulled out?? I'm sure he'd be a lot happier...as would the rest of us...

So Pedicure, So Nice

I'm realizin that I be talkin about feets a lot. Cain't help myself. Netways. So I was gettin my feets did yesterday and I was doin some reflectin but mostly starin into space ignoring the guy who was singing higher than mariah carey while massaging my leg...I digress. It started to occur to me that nail shops play the weirdest and most absurd things I've ever heard. At the nail salon at elon mei ling put on the spice girls album and was like "SPICEGIRL, YOU LIKE?!" The salon I was at yesterday always plays some weird film that I suspect is made by some Asian country about American life. wtf??? Like the last movie was about how the Africans discovered wheats. I swear this movie was set in the 1970s and they had these Africans lookin at them like they were gods. People in africa had seen wheats before!!! Kno how i kno?!?! BECAUSE I SEEM TO REMEMBER A BIG A** COLONIZATION of the whole effin continent!!!!!!!!!!!!! smh. ppl be tryna ignore that like it aint happen. HISTORY PPL HISTORY. LEARN IT!! netways. so yeah. always the weirdest settings in nail shops. but as long as u come out lookin fresh...who cares that u have "spice up ur life" stuck in ur head??

Top 10 Things That Should NEVER Happen

1) Furry eyebrows
2) Kitty heels
3) Darfur toes...and flip flops
4) Toes hanging over the edge of stilettos...and i mean like hangin ten on a surfboard!!
5) Wearing stilettos wit bootie shorts...and ur leg hair is able to keep the homeless man I passed this morning warm
6) Pulling hair back into a ponytail and said ponytail measures up roughly to...one centimeter
7) Lipliner
8) Ashy knees. Ashy nething
9) Lifting up ur shirt, rubbing ur ginormous belly at frightened girl, and askin if u can take a pic of said frightened girl
10) Marcel. Unibrowed Marcel. 5 inches shorter than me Marcel. Finger-widthed gap btw each tooth Marcel. Abnormally small-headed Marcel. Marcel period.

EEEEEEEKKKKKK!!

Today I was giving a presentation at my job. After it was over, people gathered around to congratulate me and my team then we had a little celebration thing. I sat down wit my plate of food. MISTAKE!!! I looked down to behold a strappy sandal wit a chunky heel STRAIGHT out of the 90's. And it was a peep toe. Except ALL FIVE toes were peeping. Lookin right crazy. I only wish I could have photographed it. The worst part is that these heels used to be popular wit the teens...this woman was AT LEAST 45. Oh MY!!!!!

*this is roughly wat the shoe looked like....

Well...we know B's hips aren't fake

WHAT THE?!

So I totally wish I had taken a pic of this but I've been told it's rude to take pics of ppl and send it to my friends...esp. if I'm at church. Then again, yall probs wouldn't have wanted to see this NO way. So I'm sitting at church minding my business, listening to the choir and then...I SEES IT!! There's this man sitting in front of me. Head is bald. Nothing unusual right?? WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! There was a c******* (the female ahem...button) on this man's head!!!!! It was this nasty mole that was the same color as the rest of his head. It stared and winked at me. So. Naturally I whipped out my phone and turned my silent screams into a text. I was horrified. Still am. I'll be sitting on the other side of the church next week...shudder.
(I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say this is what my face looked like...)

...R u FORREALS?!

Sheree LIES...I mean Tweets back

So right after the latest episode of Housewives aired on Thursday, Sheree immediately hopped on Twitter, asking what we had thought about the show...TRICK U ALREADY KNO otherwise u wouldn't have felt the need to tweet about it. Anytways, I decided I'd give her my two-piece saying: "@IamSheree handling that Kim situation...yall need one-on-ones. Don't gang up on her like that. It's childish." She then immediately created a status saying: "We ALL decided to meet bcuz Kim was going btween ALL of us talkin abt the next thinking we wouldnt talk 2 each other..well eventually we did"

Yeah whateva ho. U kno u was wrong for that bc u was LYIN...let's tweet some honesty, shall we??

Shocker Moment

So today I went to Towson mall and discovered their "Luxury Wing". When the EFF did Towson get Burberry and Louis Vitton?!?!? Found THE cutest purse so I decided to whip out my boyfriend's card and buy it. Oh wait. I forgot. That's NOT my life. Darn. Okay it will be in about 5 years give or take. Newho, so in Louis, there was a black man (pause for a large GASP) working there in a suit. And that suit seemed to be tryna get the EFF of him. That thang was BUSTIN the seams. Sir, I do not need for your jacket to be riding a good two inches above your shirt in an effort to let your button-up shit expand. Do better. Thanks.

Hey Nene...close YOUR mouth!!!

Dear Nene,
there's this thing called class. It cannot be found in the stores to buy with your "big piles of money". It is something that you have to learn. And I need you to learn it not now but RIGHT NOW.

Thanks,
AshleyRob

P.S. Who is this Charles?

P.P.S. Nene I KNOW you not talking about somebody having a WIG when you got that blonde RAG on top of YOUR head!!

Had to go there

Okay. Ladies. Everybody knows how important first impressions are. The physical impression plays an important role. So. When you have CATERPILLARS dying on ur face...we officially have a problem. Eyebrows literally make or break ur face. I give u a free pass to having "furry" eyebrows until u graduate from high skool. Maybe into the first 3 months of college. But after that u need to be getting ur eyebrows done on the regular. Period. There is absolutely no excuse. Invest the 7, 8, 10 dollars in getting them things waxed, tweezed, threaded, WHATEVER! I just do NOT wanna look at ur face and cringe. Hate that mess. Get on ur grown woman and get those things UNDER CONTROL!!!! A nice elongated, neat, fairly thin eyebrow will take u so so so far...with me that is and I can think of other people who feel the same way. So. GET THEM THANGS DONE!!!!

Accidentally on Purpose

The "Gotta-Send-A-Txt-About-This" Moment of the day

So, I'm gonna do this thing where I make a post each day about a moment that made me pause and go WHAT THE?! dang I GOTTA tell somebody about this. So here's the first one. So today I was gettin the hurr did (it's lookin ruuullll fresh- props to Dejah) and I was sittin under the dryer kinda spacin out. Thats when...IT appeared. I notice people's feet a lot so I happened to look down at this one lady's. And I sorely regret doin that now. First I saw ashy, uneven-lengthed toes. Stomach turn #1. THEN I took a closer look and realized that on one of this lady's feets, her fourth toe was missing the top half. Insert. Vomit. Here. I'm pretty sure I just gaped at it. Screamed inwardly for a good minute and a half then pounced. Started txtin ne and urrybody bout that half a toe thing. EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

RiRi Don't Let Him Beat You Down No Mo'!!!

(photo courtesy of theinsider.com...girl u better NOT)
Now Rihanna u KNO u aint got NO business tryna get back wit Chris Brown...baby do u need to see those pics of ur face again?? Now nobody wants to play the victim, but umm honey I think u earned the right to...Releasing that restraining order...snuggling with him...letting him TOUCH UR FACE...all things that raise a lot of red flags. Get it together. Now. U kno, when I first heard about him beating u I said WTF was she letting him hit her while he was DRIVING A CAR!! I mean all I could think about was if that had been me, he would've gotten one hit in before I'm either hitting back or rolling out the car. In my mind he's multi-tasking so u would have some sort of advantage. But I had to realize I wasn't in the situation so I might have curled up into a ball too. BUT LET ME TELL U WAT I WOULDVE DONE AFTERWARDS: BLOWN.HIS.ISH.UP!!! ERRRYYYBODY woulda known about beat-her-down. His behind wouldve been BLACKLISTED and i wouldve called pookie and friends to come let him kno wat the deal was!!! I don't care how many times that BOY (note the emphasis of BOY here bc MEN do NOT hit women under ne circumstance) has told u he's sorry. If u forgive him fine. BUT FORGIVE AND WALK AWAY!! "Sometimes love comes around, but just get back up, just get back up when love knocks you down." - pretty sure Keri Hilson was talkin about "love" in a figurative sense...not literally. Leave that boy alone before he knocks u down and u wont EVER be able to get back up!!!!! And just in case u forgot.....................



You pick which face u want boo. Be smart. Do not support or ignore domestic violence.








(photo courtesy of atlmalcontent.wordpress.com and hollywoodandvine.wordpress...)

Mariah Carey(awn)...Girl WHAT is u durin?!?!

The Game...come backkkkk

(photo courtesy of girltalktvworldwide.ning.com...that is a DELICIOUS male cast...sigh)

One of the few shows that depicted young black life and the life I hope to have someday has been cut from the CW...suspect?? Maybe. The Game was that ISH!!! And it gave me sooo much insight as to what my life is gonna be like when I marry a NFL player. And let's be honest, watching Marion "Pooch" Hall was the highlight of my friday...However, due to this (*#&(#&(*$#&)((*^&%*&#(*#()!! recession...the CW had to cut The Game. Please note however how they did NOT cut stupid shows like "Priveleged". Currently BET is working on picking up the show. Basically this means, I hope yall actors were putting money in ur savings cuz BET won't be payin yall NUTHIN!! BETTheGame tweets: There is a rumor going around that @BET is going to pick up new episodes of The Game this Spring or next Fall.

Please God, let it be trueeee!! I miss The Game so so much. Keep petitioning yall! Proaction is key!!

Merry Christmas Yall...sigh ohhhh BritBrit

(photo courtesy of bittenandbound.com...lookin HAWT)

The Circus is coming to town yall!!! I'm sure uve all heard that Britbrit is about to take her tour to the USA...HOORAY!!! Tickets: $150 a pop. Now Britney u r the queen of pop. NOT the reigning queen of the world like queen B. THEREFORE, queen B is the ONLY person I'll be paying $150 for!!! But wat I really want to talk about is K.Fed. Oh that pregnant, pardon, fat pitiful excuse of a man. Britney baby, u need to SUE him for using up ur child support money to feed them kids!! Does he even feed them?! Bcuz it would appear that all the food would be going into his belly and NOWHERE near their mouths. Smh. But u kno what I do have mad respect for you Brit. This man has left u broken and half out ur mind and u still fought back!! Ppl hate on Britney so much because of her breakdown. When really, she's no different from nebody else going thru a hard time. Her misfortune was to have her every move watched by the paparazzi....but shes back and almost fully sane!! Luv ya Brit!!

(photo courtesy of hollywooddame.com...kfed i liked u better when u were a nonexistent backup dancer...at least u were not eating everything in sight...)

Real Hoodrats...err Housewives of Atlanta

(photo courtesy of hulu.com)

So I am a major fan of Real Housewives because that is EXACTAMENTE what I plan on being...hopefully VERY soon! The drama is hilarious. Yesterday however was just a hott mess. Nene and Sheree decided to "have an intervention" with Kim. RED FLAG #1.

They wanted to address Kim's lies. Note...the whole show is about how much they lie and connive - guess they forgot about that. RED FLAG #2. So they sit down with Kim and Sheree immediately becomes combative and GASP starts LYING...who would have seen that coming??

It quickly escalates into a shouting match as the wheats look on in horror and abject disgust. Kim leaves...GOOD MOVE KIM (classiest thing of the night). Sheree decides she wants to go follow her and "beat her a**". Dear Sheree, you fail. Sheree runs after Kim, jumps in her face and pulls on Kim's hairpiece. Now that's just a lowblow. I would say that Sheree is lucky that wasn't a black woman (such as Nene) that she tried that crap with bc she would've been DROPPED!! She was just excited because she got buck wit Anthony. Sheree is really not wise. Might I add that Kim refrained from hitting her the whole time. Kudos to you girl for the most classiness.
(photo courtesy of hollywoodlife.com...smh sheree)
So here's the problem that I had. Confronting somebody is one thing. Doing it with two or more people against one person never results in anything good. Ever. A fighting match will ensue. If you have an issue with somebody, sit down and talk to them one-on-one. You'll get more results this way. And I'm gonna need for almost 40 yr old women to not only KNOW this but to PRACTICE this. Like I said...hoodrats.

Oh Solo...

(photo courtesy of jenthepen.com)
So Ms. Iliveinmysistersshadow aka Solange has gone bald. And has received some scathing remarks from both A-list and Whotheeffcaresaboutthem-list. For example Bow WOW tweeted: "Man these chicks losin they mind, they all look like they goin through something. These chicks look f*ckin retarded wit this bald sh*t man. These chicks losing they mind." (www.mediatakeout.com)
He has got SOME nerve. First of all when's the last time you've produced a hit song...yawn too tired to think back that far. You are a nobody and a lame. And Solange is too good-looking for you ANYWAY!!!
Souljaboy and LeToya also had some disparaging remarks. Soulja boy ur ignorant behind makes up songs about your "dougie". You officially get no say. As for LeToya, if Lange-Lange is going thru some things and decides to cut her hair, hey why not?? It can be very cathartic.
I for one think she looks cute with her bald head. And do you know WHY she looks cute?? Because she's naturally pretty. If she were ugly I might have a bigger problem. But Solange, you do what you need to girl!!! Ignore the haterz and keep ur head high!!!

(photo courtesy of blog.ecr.co.za; personally all that weave was a dragger to me...but hey to each his own)

Whitney is BACK and off crack (we hope...)!!!

Our beloved Whitney is back and sounding almost like her old fabulous self. We've been pulling for you girl!! It's a long road to recovery but stay on the path!! CRACK IS WACK!!!

Steve McNair

(Photo Courtesy of www.wikepedia.org)
Okay so. Everybody knows Steve McNair died, how he died, and WHY he died. So Steve McNair had a lovely wife and four children. Oh and at least two mistresses. Note, I said mistresses NOT girlfriends because he was MARRIED!!!! Now his main ho, Sahel Kazemi who was twenty-two, was living in a condo thing PAID for by good ole Steve. Well this ho forgot her place and got jealous of his other hoes. She decides she's going to make him pay. So she pumps him with steel and then turns the gun on herself. I guess it's a "if i can't have him completely nobody can"-type sitch. This is how I feel about it: Fellas if you gonna mess around on ur wives, u had better make SURE that ur ho knows her place. She needs to be crystal clear that she does NOT have no ring on her finger, does NOT have your last name, does not have ANYTHING but some of ur paper and ur junk (crude but true). How DARE Sahel try and get brand new. How dare Stevie gamble his marriage and ultimately his LIFE over some not-even-goodlooking trick. Steven, I hope you weren't honestly surprised when that crazy ho turned on you. Now your wife and other baby mamas get to explain to YOUR children why daddy aint coming home no more. Cuz you couldn't keep it in your pants. While I am not justifying her killing you, that was obviously crazy, you made a huge gamble and lost. And as to Steve's wife not knowing about your ho...lies. Aint no way in this world she could not have known that you were a rolling stone. I personally think that she was mad as piss that that stupid ho beat her to getting Steve McNair. That's how I would've felt anyway. But alas, there is nothing to be done but to move on and HOPEFULLY people will learn from these costly mistakes. R.I.P. McNair.

(hmmm maybe she had a sparkling personality??? photo courtesy of http://news.lalate.com)

Kate Gosselin

(Photo Courtesy of In Touch Magazine)
Now I have some opinions about this woman and her family. When she was with Jon, I would fully agree that she was a castrating b****. I do however understand that having all those young children is stressful - but taking it out on ur husband is a sure fire way for divorce...as we see now. My main point actually to this blog is this article I saw about her spanking her children. I.was.outraged. Especially when "The Nanny" gave her opinion. Let me explain...they were condemning her for spanking her children and "The Nanny" was chiming in with her two cents about how spanking should never happen. Hey nanny chick, when's the last time you were a single mom to eight children? Oh, never you say?? Right. Let me tell you what does not work. The timeout chair. If my mother had made me sit in a chair every time I was "naughty" I'm pretty sure I'd be a hooker by now. Spanking works. Notice how I did not say CHILD ABUSE!! There is a difference people. The Bible says spareth not the rod. I was spanked as a child and I believe that was effective. When a child gets brand new, their butt needs to be checked. Period. So I, in fact, applaud Kate Gosselin. That girl looked like she needed a spanking a LONG time ago.
"Whether the paparazzi are there or not, I am a mother first. I love my children and when they misbehave, I discipline them as I deem appropriate for the situation," (Kate Gosselin, In Touch Magazine)
YOU TELL EM KATE!!!!

The Deal

Alright so I finally have a place where I can share all my controversial views without causing an uproar...and if I do cause an uproar here...well I really don't care. Because you don't HAVE to read this. SoOoOo that being said...Enjoy!!